Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 12 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
My “Secret Subject” is:
Your worst DIY disaster – a Pinterest project gone awry or home improvement fail, include pics if you have them!
It was submitted by: http://shannonbutler.org
Thank you Shannon!
For me, this was an easy one, so easy in fact, I almost forgot to write it! I am sitting here an hour before the magical time when my coach turns back into a pumpkin typing furiously while picturing our fearless leader standing before me with her arms crossed tapping her feet.
When I first looked at my subject when it magically popped into my inbox a full two weeks before it is due (and yet here I sit) I had to laugh because anyone that knows me also knows that anything I would try on Pinterest would turn into an epic fail!
Back in the days before Pinterest (the dark ages), I wasn’t yet resigned to the fact that I’m just not a crafty person. I didn’t have to dig too deep to find a story worthy fail since I have so many to choose from.
Let me set the stage for you first:
I’m rushing around at home straight from working a full-time job, trying to figure out what crappy food I will cook this evening before running back out the door for my daughter’s school play. The only thing that makes me smile at the moment is my newly redone kitchen. I had gone bold with maroon walls and green flooring and it had all come together beautifully (even though as I describe it I realize how hideous it sounds today!).
I slam some fish sticks into the oven throw some macaroni cheese into a pot and call it dinner. I sit down for a moment with an evening cocktail (back before I gave up alcohol altogether) when I hear my daughter’s blood-curdling scream coming from her room.
I run down the hall expecting to see missing limbs or intestines hanging out and there she is standing in front of her bed staring at the costume that she is supposed to wear in just a few hours. Her head swivels around like the exorcist, fire shooting from her eyes. She points an accusing finger at me and speaks in a voice that I’m not sure is even human.
“You forgot my angel wings!” It crosses my mind for the umpteenth time that somebody had a sense of humor when casting this little devil as an angel in the school play. Anyway, I hang my head in defeat because yes, I did forget to buy her some angel wings. Where in the hell do you even buy angel wings?
“Don’t worry I’ll make you some,” I say trying anything to make the red glow disappear from her eyes. “YOU’RE going to make me some?” She says with a whole lot of skepticism and attitude. “When does dad get home?” She says next. Oh, she is playing hardball, she has thrown down the gauntlet. “I can do this!” I say as she looks at me the same way as our fearless leader above.
I get her to help me gather all of the necessary supplies to make angel wings in less than two hours. Metal clothes hanger, gold garland straight from the Christmas tree, and a pair of white tights. She sits at the kitchen table across from me watching with eyes full of doubt at my artistic abilities.
I bend the hanger into the shape of wings, slide a leg of tights over each wing and cut to fit and then for the crowning glory we super glue garland all around the edges for a beautiful pair of angel wings. My daughter looks at me in awe of my newfound crafting ability. I think I can hear angels sing. I am a superhero!
My husband walks in the door and my daughter runs straight to him. “Look what mommy made for me! I’m an angel!” He picks her and swings her around. “Of course you are! I could have told you that!” I am feeling terrific! I am super mom. I’ve got this!
I stand to walk over and kiss my husband only I can’t move. “What the hell,” I say. My foot is stuck to the floor! Of course, I panic like I’m known to do and jerk my foot as hard as I can while my husband stares in horror. He has figured out what crosses my mind just a little too late.
Somehow, I have managed to super glue my foot to the floor. I put all my might into freeing my foot which apparently didn’t need that much effort. My foot comes up, I go down and I am staring straight at the huge hole in my brand new linoleum (it’s the 90’s). Right smack in the middle of the kitchen floor.
Apparently, my husband wasn’t so impressed with my crafting abilities…or my cooking abilities either! McDonald’s it is!
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:
Baking In A Tornado http://www.BakingInATornado.com
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy http://dinoheromommy.com/
Spatulas on Parade http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/
The Lieber Family Blog http://thelieberfamily.com
The Bergham Chronicles http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com
Never Ever Give Up Hope http://batteredhope.blogspot.com
Simply Shannon http://shannonbutler.org
Confessions of a part time working mom http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/
Southern Belle Charm http://www.southernbellecharm.com
The Angrivated Mom http://www.angrivatedmom.wordpress.com/